Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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