I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
