boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
