u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
