come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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