he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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