just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Drunk is not a location!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
