capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
