I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
