i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
