She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
