I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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