he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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