i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is Oprah even human
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
