no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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