3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We're like a lot better than the average bears
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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