I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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