clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
did i just pee glitter
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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