He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
