I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
