Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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