Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
