Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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