...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
