While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
