ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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