when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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