is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
