The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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