he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
