i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
