Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
