In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
