before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
