I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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