Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
