btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
