do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
