Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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