we're chasing vodka with high fives
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
