I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
