I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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