No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Cover your peen. We're going out.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
