i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
