After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
