I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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