If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
