I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
