Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
