i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
