I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
this boner is exhausting
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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