Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
