What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
