There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
