You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
