You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
