Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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