But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
