I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
