just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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