I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
