does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
