She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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