How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
