So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
