So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
