Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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