My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
