I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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