I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
