hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
