Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
