he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
