xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
