youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
