i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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